Dreams and Blessings
Its been a long while since I did a blog entry on here but I want to do them more frequent, especially with the launch of new tees, some which have some pretty deep meanings. I love reading and learning about others lives, my favorite parts of lives are the ones that typically aren't shared, since a lot of us live in fear of judgement and not being accepted. I want this community to always be a space where you can be YOU. That's truly why I started this brand, was to breathe life into women, to let them know who they are today is ENOUGH, for you to be comfortable to come as you are and to know that no matter what part of the journey you are on, that you have a group of women cheering you on.
I want to share today the blessings that this year has brought our family and how long we have waited for these things to come to life. A lot of you know and some of you don't, we have 5 boys here on earth and 3 angel babies, our most recent loss was in 2020. It's been a hard road to believe everything would be okay and to understand why some of our babies lived and others didn't. A road many of you walk. After our loss in 2020, I was pretty much done, I didn't want to go through it again and just wanted to focus on our family. I had felt a calling at the end of the year to just UNPLUG, to SHUT IT ALL DOWN, so I decided to take an OFFLINE HEALING journey and shut down my social media for 2 months, starting January 1st of this year. I run two businesses that rely on social media so this call to do something so insane felt really scary but I followed it, and shut it all down. I will do a separate post on how glorious those two months were and I also have a course coming to help you take an offline journey too, the course will be 7 days so don't be too scared!
2 weeks into 2021 I realized my period was late, and sure enough, the plus sign appeared on 3 tests, I even did the digital one JUST to be sure and it clearly stated "pregnant". I was hit with so many emotions, mainly fear. I really did not want to go through another loss (truly I am not out of the water still at 31 weeks today) but as the weeks went on, I gained strength and clarity, I supplemented my progesterone and had many, many ultrasounds to keep my anxiety at bay. In March after our entire family had Covid, I got test results back showing our FIRST DAUGHTER was coming. I couldn't believe it. Out of our pregnancies 7 of the 8 have been confirmed a boy, so one loss the gender was not know but if I had to guess it was likely a boy. So our 9th pregnany is a girl, a dream I had actually given up on; raising a daughter.
Also in March, my husband decided to leave his job which opened up the doors for us to move wherever we wanted. For years we have been dreaming of relocating our family to Chattanooga, TN. We had visited numerous times and just felt so at peace there but my husbands job required us to be in Ohio. With his job no longer being a problem we decided we would make the leap of faith, yet we had a baby coming in September. We were torn on waiting til after she was born, or just going balls to the wall and making it happen before she came. We chose balls to the wall, and decided we were all in to making this dream a reality. We sold almost all our furniture, spent weeks packing and cleaning, and getting our house ready to sell. In the meantime we had to find a place to live, we had almost given up on buying a house in this market and the last offer we made was accepted. We relocated our family of 8, in our giant van pulling a trailer and me in our car packed to the brim, two weeks ago and are slowly settling in.
There's been multiple hard times mixed in there, stories for the new "changing narratives" tee, and it's been scary leaving everything we know and everyone we love for a city where we are completely fish out of water. We have to meet new people, set up new communities and find our way here in Chattanooga but I have faith it will work out.
All the things I thought would never happen, all decided to happen in the past 6 months. What scares me is the fear I still carry, the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" but day by day I am pushing that away, and trying to lean into having faith that all will be well. One thing I constantly repeat is "Fear is "what if" and Faith is "even if"" and just like you, we have risen above so much in our lives and we have survived 100% of our hardest days and will continue to do so.
If you're in a state of waiting, or a state of your dreams not playing out, stay patient. There were so many years, so many tears, so many moments where I thought nothing would go right and we would never get to where we are today.
I am praying for you all, on your journey, whether its just beginning or you are one step away from it all happening. Try your best to keep the faith, and always remember that your dreams and plans do not have to make sense to anyone else. Follow your passion, follow your gut and those who belong in your life will cheer you on every step of the way. I know that I am rooting for you every single day!!